okay, so first off- your feelings are completely valid. there is no "should" or "should not" when it comes to forgiveness. if you don't think you can ever forgive, that is okay. no one is required to forgive harm, especially harm that has deeply affected them.

that being said, it might be helpful to shift away from thinking about this in terms of "crimes" and "forgiveness" and more toward understanding why something like this could happen within a system. systems don't exist in a vacuum- DID forms as a response to trauma, and that means that the ways parts behave are often shaped by that trauma.

sometimes, parts can end up reenacting trauma dynamics. not necessarily 1:1, but in ways that reflect what the system has been through. this doesn’t mean it’s "okay" or that it shouldn’t be taken seriously, but it does mean that looking at it as "one part committing a crime against another" is oversimplifying what’s actually happening.

trauma reenactment is a well-documented thing in dissociative systems. parts may take on roles they've seen before (victim, perpetrator, rescuer, etc.) as a way of making sense of what happened to them. this isn't about "choosing" to be abusive; it's about internalized dynamics playing out in a way that feels almost automatic. the key thing here is that those patterns can be worked on, but that requires awareness, accountability, and a commitment to breaking the cycle.

for the host (or any part) to choose forgiveness, that’s entirely up to them. forgiveness is personal, and it doesn’t mean excusing or forgetting. it just means deciding how they want to relate to what happened. for some people, forgiving a part might feel freeing. for others, it might feel like betraying themselves. both are valid.

what’s more important is working towards whatever happened doesn’t happen again, and that the system is working toward understanding why it happened in the first place. that might mean therapy, internal communication, setting internal boundaries, or just taking time to process things.

so no, you’re not wrong for not forgiving. your feelings make sense. and if your host does choose forgiveness, that doesn’t mean what happened wasn’t serious. it just means they’re navigating it in a way that feels right to them.