i dare say that i'm not close to being happy with myself, but compared with who i was in the past, i am indeed happier than before. there are days when i feel like this happiness would last forever, when it actually don't. however, i'd say that we are never be forever happy. even the most noble billionaire person ever, i assumed there would be a day when they feel like crying. those feelings are available in order for us to understand and embrace our emotions well. without having a painful experience, we would never know how to deal with it even when it hurts our fragile soul. through shouts, feeling content, under the weather, we are living well as a human being. there's still a lot of regrets in me in the present and in the past for leaving people who genuinely care for me. it haunts me and it still do. even when i'm living happily now, but there are times when i could recall the memories. as much as i'm happy, there would be sadness haunting me from behind, but it exist to balance our emotion. being too happy could leads us to have a superiority complex without humbling ourselves to see the people who helped us reach this point. through sadness, i could fix myself in the present. i am here as a form of the wounds that scratched me in the past. if we never experience sadness, i bet we would never be grateful for being happy even if it's limited. therefore i'm still in the process of healing, seeking for a day longer happiness, and being satisfied with who i am today. the day will come as i promise this to myself every night!

here's to one of my favorite lines in a book i read in the past:
to get food unstuck from a frying pan,
just pour water in the pan and wait.
after a while the food loosens on it's own.
don't struggle to heal your wounds.
just pour time into your heart and wait
when your wounds are ready,
they will heal on their own.